It is time we gave an ear to our boys and men.

MEN'S MENTAL HEALTH MONTH: IT'S TIME TO LISTEN TO OUR BOYS AND MEN

June is recognized globally as Men's Mental Health Month. Yet, if we are honest with ourselves, society has spent so much time focusing on women and girls that our boys and men are often left out of important conversations about emotional well-being and mental health.

As we recognize Men's Mental Health Month this June, I want to ask a few uncomfortable but necessary questions.

Who is a man?

Before a man became a father, husband, provider, leader, employee, businessman, pastor, or mentor, he was once a little boy. The same little boys many of us are raising today.

When we look at our sons, nephews, brothers, students, and young men in our communities, do we stop to think about the emotional burdens they may carry as they grow into adulthood?

It is time we gave an ear to our boys and men. Men were taught to be tough not vulnerable. 

How do men deal with problems?

Who do men talk to when life becomes overwhelming?

How can we support men at home, in the workplace, in our communities, and in society at large?

A few days ago, I was speaking with a friend in the United States. He shared a story that still sits heavily on my heart.

A friend of his was struggling with mental health challenges. From the outside, everything appeared fine. He had a good job in the U.S., a family back home in Kenya, and by many standards, he seemed successful.

Yet one night, after spending time together, the man suddenly jumped onto a road and was struck by a speeding vehicle. He died by suicide right before my friend's eyes.

My friend could not even bring himself to share all the details. The trauma remains with him.

The story left me wondering:

How many men around us are carrying silent battles that nobody knows about?

How many are suffering from issues that could be addressed if only they had someone safe to talk to?

Who do men go to when they need help?

Who listens when they are overwhelmed?

Who allows them to be vulnerable without judging them?

I believe a lot is expected of men.

Even as parents, many of us have said things like, "Stop crying. You're a man."

In Kenya, we often hear, "Wewe ni mwanaume."

But why can't men cry?

Why can't men be emotional? And Vulnerable?

Why can't they express fear, sadness, disappointment, grief, or confusion?

Who decided that men must suffer in silence?

Men are human beings too. They have feelings. They hurt. They grieve. They break.

Sometimes my heart breaks when I see a man cry because I know that by the time many men reach that point, they have already bottled up so much pain for so long.

As we honor Men's Mental Health Month, let us intentionally take care of our men and our boys.

The statistics consistently show that men die by suicide at significantly higher rates than women in many parts of the world.

This should force us to ask difficult questions:

Where do men pour out their pain?

How do men release emotional pressure?

What support systems do they have?

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To the men reading this, I want to leave you with this message:

Please do not bottle everything up.

And to fellow men, when another man trusts you enough to be vulnerable, do not use his pain against him.

Do not turn his struggles into gossip.

Do not amplify his problems to the world.

Be a safe space.

I remember hearing media personality Jimmy Gathu speak about a difficult season in his life. He shared how some people disappeared when he needed them most, while others spread his struggles to others instead of supporting him.

Trust is sacred.

When someone opens up to you, preserve that confidence.

Whether you can solve the problem or not, be willing to listen.

Sometimes people don't need solutions immediately. They simply need someone who will hear them without judgment.

Be your brother's keeper.

As a woman, I cannot claim to fully understand how men think, process emotions, or deal with life's pressures. But as we honor our men this month, perhaps it is time we intentionally place ourselves in their shoes.

We spend a lot of time discussing the girl child.

But who is focusing on the boy child?

Who is preparing him emotionally for life?

Who is checking on his mental well-being?

The other day, I watched a feature on Citizen TV showing a group of men coming together to worship, fellowship, and support one another. As a believer, I was encouraged.

There is something powerful about seeing men become vulnerable before God and before one another.

Healthy communities of men can save lives.

Men need safe spaces where they can pray together, talk openly, mentor one another, and walk through life's challenges together.

I recently listened to Ted Josiah speak about men's mental health, and one statement stood out to me:

"Men don't talk."

He also pointed out that men are significantly more likely to die by suicide.

According to Ted, depression in men often looks different from what many people expect.

It may appear as:

Anger

Emotional shutdown

Loss of appetite

Increased appetite

Substance abuse

Excessive drinking

Isolation

Irritability

Risky behavior

This is an important conversation for families, spouses, and communities.

If your husband, brother, son, father, colleague, or friend suddenly becomes unusually quiet, starts drinking excessively, withdraws from people, or begins behaving differently, do not simply dismiss it as "being a man."

There may be deeper issues that require attention.

For women especially, understanding men's mental health may help us identify warning signs before situations escalate into destructive behavior, family breakdown, violence, or tragedy like femicide or suicide.

Mental health challenges do not excuse harmful actions, but they remind us why early intervention, support, and treatment matter.

Ted Josiah also shared his own experiences of grief after losing someone he loved deeply.

He described periods of intense anger, sadness, sorrow, tears, regret, emotional swings, and moments of overwhelming rage.

His story reminds us that grief and depression do not always look the same for everyone.

The dangerous narrative that "mwanaume ni kujikaza" must be challenged.

Strength is not pretending everything is okay.

Strength is acknowledging when you are struggling and seeking help.

Ted encouraged men to take off their masks, wear their hearts on their sleeves, and let trusted people know what they are going through.

Healing begins when we stop suffering in silence.

He also shared that during difficult moments, music helps him process his emotions.

This made me wonder:

How do other men deal with their low moments?

What helps them cope?

Who do they trust?

What support systems work for them?

As I read through comments on men's mental health discussions, I noticed many women asking another important question:

What happens when men push people away?

What happens when a man loses a job, loses a loved one, or goes through a difficult season and responds by becoming distant, angry, withdrawn, or even abusive?

What should families and support systems do?

The answer is not always simple.

Sometimes the best approach is consistency.

Continue checking in.

Continue showing up.

Continue offering support without forcing conversations.

Encourage professional help when necessary.

Create safe spaces.

Avoid judgment.

Avoid ridicule.

Avoid dismissing their struggles.

And where behavior becomes harmful or abusive, seek professional intervention while ensuring everyone's safety.

Mental health support does not mean tolerating abuse, but it does mean recognizing when someone may be struggling and helping them access the support they need.

As we conclude Men's Mental Health Month, let us remember that men and women, boys and girls, are all important.

No gender is better than the other.

We all deserve love.

We all deserve support.

We all deserve to be heard.

This June, let us check on our sons, men in our lives.

Check on our husbands.

Check on our brothers.

Check on our sons.

Check on our friends.

Check on our colleagues.

Most importantly, let us teach our boys that strength is not silence.

Strength is honesty.

Strength is vulnerability.

Strength is asking for help.

And strength is knowing that you do not have to carry every burden alone.

MN Collective Quote

"A strong man is not the one who hides his pain; a strong man is the one who finds the courage to face it, speak about it, and seek help when he needs it. When we give men permission to be human, we give families, communities, and generations a chance to heal." 

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