Men, Where Are You?

Lately, I find myself asking: what happened to men?

The other day I was seated somewhere, and most of the large, expensive cars passing by were being driven by women. It made me wonder: where are the men? What happened to the male species? I don't seem to see many masculine men anymore.

I see men expecting women to show up 50-50 in everything. I see men absent from their children's lives, busy chasing money or whatever excuse they choose to give.

Recently, I overheard a conversation that disturbed me. A friend of mine 17 year old son received a call from his absent father. The son had searched for him because he needed his father's help with something and wanted to connect too.  Instead of receiving him warmly, the father immediately began scolding and belittling him. I heard the young man finally respond, "You have been absent in my life, and the first interaction you have with me is to demean me." What have you done with yourself ?

What kind of men are out here today?

Is this a societal problem?

In this particular case, the father's own father had also been absent from his life. Is it a pattern being repeated from one generation to the next? How can a man be forced into taking responsibility for his own son?

Then there are men who are not working and still living in their parents' homes well into their forties or past. Others working and living comfortably with their parents. Others can fend for themselves but still fail to take care of their responsibilities. Some have their own homes and incomes but continue to evade accountability.

Most of our fathers were present parents. So where did things go wrong? What happened to the men of this generation, especially Millennials and Generation X?

The Bible has much to say about men being leaders, husbands, fathers, and providers.

The Bible says:

"But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8

It also says:

 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25

Notice the instruction is not to dominate your wife, neglect her, or cheat on her. The instruction is to love her sacrificially.

Many men complain that women only want money. While there may be some women who do, let me speak for myself.

Be a leader.

Have vision.

You don't have to be a billionaire. You can be as broke as a church mouse, but if I see vision, purpose, character, and hard work, that matters far more than money.

Women today can earn their own money. Women have dreams, ambitions, careers, businesses, and goals. We have women leading corporations, serving on boards, building companies, and becoming billionaires.

Women are capable.

But women were never designed to carry everything alone.

Women are helpers, not replacements for absent men.

The Proverbs 31 woman is often misunderstood. She was industrious, wise, entrepreneurial, hardworking, and resourceful. She managed business affairs, bought land, planted vineyards, cared for her household, and served her community. Yet she still operated within a family structure that valued partnership and responsibility.

The chapter says:

"Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." Proverbs 31:23

Notice that while she flourished, her husband was also respected and responsible. Both were contributing.

No wonder the Apostle Paul wrote:

"But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."  1 Corinthians 7:9

Yet today we see people playing with other people's daughters for years without commitment.

Men, if someone treated your daughter the way you have treated someone else's daughter, how would you feel?

If your daughter was cheated on?

If your daughter was abused?

If your daughter was disrespected?

If your daughter was strung along for years with no intention of commitment?

Would you be comfortable watching her go through what you put another man's daughter through?

Not all women are angels. There are women who cheat, manipulate, abuse, disrespect, and neglect responsibilities too. We hear such stories every day.

But women are generally emotional beings. We respond strongly to how we are treated. If you are absent emotionally, financially, spiritually and physically from your wife and children, then why are you there at all?

Men, do you understand that your sons and daughters are watching?

Children do not do what we say.

They imitate what they see.

What are you teaching your son when you abandon him?

What are you teaching your daughter when you neglect her?

What kind of society are we creating for the future?

What legacies are we leaving behind?

Men are natural leaders.

Why not take leadership seriously?

Many of us watched our fathers love our mothers. They may not have been perfect. Many were not openly affectionate. But they provided. They worked hard. They were present.

They took us to school.

They attended school events.

They brought us to church.

They sacrificed for us.

They cared for our mothers.

They modeled friendship, commitment, sacrifice, and responsibility.

Even today, many continue to care for their families long after their children have become adults.

The same irresponsible men we see today were often raised by such fathers. So what happened? What were they observing? What are they copying?

You go to school open days, and it is mostly mothers present.

You go to church, and it is mostly women with children.

Where are the men?

Too often the explanation is work.

But I always say, you make time for what is important.

If you can make time for business deals, you can make time for your children.

If you can make time for your friends, you can make time for your wife.

If you can make time for your hobbies, you can make time for your family.

Some men have even forgotten their parents in the village while living their best lives in the city.

Yet Scripture says:

"Honor your father and mother" which is the first commandment with a promise"so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."  Ephesians 6:2-3

Men, where are you?

And if your father was not a good example, you are now grown.

You have a mind of your own. There are many great male figures to emulate online and offline. Find one? Watch and learn.

You can choose differently.

You can choose to become what you never had.

You can choose to obey God.

I look at my son every day, and my prayer is that he becomes the kind of man I dream of raising or I admire.

A Godly man.

A Great man.

A responsible man.

A disciplined man.

A faithful man.

A present father.

A loving husband.

A dependable son.

A wise leader.

A successful in all life areas. 

A strong man guided by Godly principles.

Because if he is grounded in God, he will be intentional in every area of life.

I want my son to stand out in his generation as an example of a properly raised man.

I refuse to accept that the irresponsible men we see today are the standard.

I thank God that my son has a strong mind of his own and desires greatness. My prayer is that he follows God's path rather than repeating negative patterns he may have witnessed.

Men, step up.

You are natural leaders.

God entrusted you with influence, authority, and responsibility not to abuse them but to use them wisely.

I observe families where men are successful in business and career, yet still humble enough to be loving husbands and present fathers.

Men who make time for dinner with their children.

Men who help with homework.

Men who attend church with their families.

Men who take their children out after church.

Men who create memories through holidays and shared experiences.

Men who balance spiritual growth, wellness, finances, family, and purpose.

These men are not weak.

These men are not puppets.

These are strong men.

These are real men.

The strongest men are not the loudest.

They are the most responsible.

For the men who continue showing up for their families, thank you.

We see you.

We applaud you.

May God's grace continue to be upon you.

Thank you for being present fathers, loving husbands, faithful providers, spiritual leaders, and examples to the next generation.

And to the boys masquerading as men:

Step up.

Take responsibility.

Be intentional.

Do what is right.

Life is fleeting.

One day you will answer for how you treated your children, your wife, your parents, and those entrusted to your care.

Stop running.

Stop making excuses.

Stop blaming everyone else.

Man up.

Become the man God created you to be.

The world does not need more grown boys.

It needs men.

Strong men inward. 

Responsible men.

Present men.

Faithful men.

Godly men.

Men who lead not through fear but through character.

Men whose wives feel loved.

Men whose children feel secure.

Men whose parents feel honored.

Men whose communities are better because they are in them.

Men, where are you?

And if you know you have fallen short, today is a good day to begin again.

A man's greatest legacy is not the money he leaves behind, but the lives he faithfully showed up for. Presence is a gift no child, wife, or family can replace." 

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MN Collective Insights Unfiltered 

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