'Men', Sorry BOYS Step Up. Enough
Men, Where Are You?
There is so much expectation placed on men. There is so much pressure. Many men carry the weight of supporting others, providing, leading, and showing up for those who depend on them. They need support too.
At the same time, men must take total responsibility for themselves. Some receive support, respect, peace, and encouragement, yet still choose irresponsibility. The truth is that support alone cannot replace personal accountability.
Men, ask yourselves: What has God called you to be? Heal and become that man.
Today, I remind you that you are kings, husbands, fathers, sons, leaders, priests, providers, and protectors. That is God's desire for you.
Awaken to that calling. Be better. Do better. Rise to the man God created you to be.
********
Lately, I find myself asking, what happened to men, real men? What our Fathers were?
The other day, I was seated somewhere, and most of the large, expensive cars passing by were being driven by women. It made me wonder, where are the men? What happened to the male species? I don't seem to see many masculine men anymore.
I see men expecting women to show up 50-50 in everything. I see men absent from their children's lives, busy chasing money or whatever excuse they choose to give.
Recently, I overheard a conversation that disturbed me. A friend of mine 17 year-old son received a call from his absent father. The son had searched for him because he needed his father's help with something and wanted to connect. Instead of receiving him warmly, the father immediately began scolding and belittling him. I heard the young man finally respond, "You have been absent in my life, and the first interaction you have with me is to demean me."
What kind of men are out here today?
Is this a societal problem? Or a You Man Problem?
In this particular case, the father's own father had also been absent from his life. Is it a pattern being repeated from one generation to the next? How can a man be forced into taking responsibility for his own son?
Then there are men who are not working and are still living in their parents' homes well into their forties and past. Others can fend for themselves but still fail to take care of their responsibilities. Some have their own homes and incomes but continue to evade accountability and responsibility.
Most of our fathers were present parents. So where did things go wrong? What happened to the men of this generation, especially Millennials and Generation X?
The Bible has much to say about men being leaders, husbands, fathers, and providers.
The Bible says:
"But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8
It also says:
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25
Notice the instruction is not to dominate your wife, neglect her, or cheat on her. The instruction is to love her sacrificially.
Many men complain that women only want money. While there may be some women who do, let me speak for myself.
Be a leader.
Have vision.
You don't have to be a billionaire. You can be as broke as a church mouse, but if I see vision, purpose, character, and hard work, that matters far more than money.
Women today can earn their own money. Women have dreams, ambitions, careers, businesses, and goals. We have women leading corporations, serving on boards, building companies, and becoming billionaires.
Women are capable.
But women were never designed to carry everything alone.
Women are helpers, not replacements for absent men.
The Proverbs 31 woman is often misunderstood. She was industrious, wise, entrepreneurial, hardworking, and resourceful. She managed business affairs, bought land, planted vineyards, cared for her household, and served her community. Yet she still operated within a family structure that valued partnership and responsibility.
The chapter says:
"Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." Proverbs 31:23
Notice that while she flourished, her husband was also respected and responsible. Both were contributing.
No wonder the Apostle Paul wrote:
"But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 1 Corinthians 7:9
Yet today, we see people playing with other people's daughters for years without commitment.
Men, if someone treated your daughter the way you have treated someone else's daughter, how would you feel?
If your daughter was cheated on?
If your daughter was abused?
If your daughter was strung along for years with no intention of commitment?
Would you be comfortable watching her go through what you put another man's daughter through?
Not all women are angels. There are women who cheat, manipulate, abuse, disrespect, and neglect responsibilities too. We hear such stories every day.
But women are generally emotional beings. We respond strongly to how we are treated. If you are absent emotionally and physically from your wife and children, then why are you there at all?
Men, do you understand that your sons and daughters are watching?
Children do not do what we say.
They imitate what they see.
What are you teaching your son when you abandon him?
What are you teaching your daughter when you neglect her?
What kind of society are we creating for the future?
What legacies are we leaving behind?
Men are natural leaders.
Why not take leadership seriously?
Many of us watched our fathers love our mothers. They may not have been perfect. Many were not openly affectionate. But they provided. They worked hard. They were present.
They took us to school.
They attended school events.
They brought us to church.
They sacrificed for us.
They cared for our mothers.
They modeled friendship, commitment, sacrifice, and responsibility.
Even today, many continue to care for their families long after their children have become adults.
The same irresponsible men we see today were often raised by such fathers. So what happened? What were they observing? What are they copying?
You go to school open days, and it is mostly mothers present.
You go to church, and it is mostly women with children.
You go for sports activities, it is mostly mother's.
Where are the men?
Too often, the explanation is work.
But I always say: you make time for what is important.
If you can make time for business deals, you can make time for your children.
If you can make time for your friends, you can make time for your wife.
If you can make time for your hobbies, you can make time for your family.
Some men have even forgotten their parents in the village while living their best lives in the city.
Yet Scripture says:
"Honor your father and mother"which is the first commandment with a promise"so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Ephesians 6:2-3
Men, where are you?
And if your father was not a good example, you are now grown.
You have a mind of your own.
You can choose differently.
You can choose to become what you never had.
You can choose to obey God.
I look at my son every day, and my prayer is that he becomes the kind of man I dream of raising.
A godly man.
A responsible man.
A disciplined man.
A faithful man.
A present father.
A loving husband.
A dependable son.
A wise leader.
A strong man guided by Godly principles.
Because if he is grounded in God, he will be intentional in every area of life.
I want my son to stand out in his generation as an example of a properly raised man.
I refuse to accept that the irresponsible men we see today are the standard.
I thank God that my son has a strong mind of his own and desires greatness. My prayer is that he follows God's path rather than repeating negative patterns he may have witnessed.
Men, step up.
You are natural leaders.
God entrusted you with influence, authority, and responsibility not to abuse them but to use them wisely.
I observe families where men are successful in business and career, yet still humble enough to be loving husbands and present fathers.
Men who make time for dinner with their children.
Men who help with homework.
Men who attend church with their families.
Men who take their children out after church.
Men who create memories through holidays and shared experiences.
Men who balance spiritual growth, wellness, finances, family, and purpose.
These men are not weak.
These men are not puppets.
These are strong men.
These are real men.
The strongest men are not the loudest.
They are the most responsible.
For the men who continue showing up for their families, thank you.
We see you.
We applaud you.
May God's grace continue to be upon you.
Thank you for being present fathers, loving husbands, faithful providers, spiritual leaders, and examples to the next generation.
And to the boys masquerading as men:
Step up.
Take responsibility.
Be intentional.
Do what is right.
Life is fleeting.
One day, you will answer for how you treated your children, your wife, your parents, and those entrusted to your care.
Stop running.
Stop making excuses.
Stop blaming everyone else.
Man up.
Become the man God created you to be.
The world does not need more grown boys.
It needs men.
Strong men.
Responsible men.
Present men.
Faithful men.
Godly men.
Men who lead not through fear but through character.
Men whose wives feel loved.
Men whose children feel secure.
Men whose parents feel honored.
Men whose communities are better because they are in them.
Men, where are you?
And if you know you have fallen short, today is a good day to begin again.
*****
Sadly, watching the video of the students at Utumishi, the eight who allegedly burnt their dormitory and caused the deaths of their fellow students, left me with many questions.
Who are their parents?
A child is often a reflection of the environment they are raised in and the values they are taught at home. Forgive me if I am wrong, but most of the time, children who commit such heinous crimes and deeds seem to come from dysfunctional homes. Homes with absent parents, absent fathers, irresponsible parenting, or a lack of guidance and accountability.
Having been raised by a father who was not necessarily strict but was firm, caring, loving, present, and a real man, and by a loving, ever-present, prayerful mother, I thank God for my parents. Even today, if I were still in school, I do not think I would have joined a group of boys or girls daring to commit such an act.
I remember previous tragedies such as the Kyanguli Secondary School fire in 2001, where 67 boys lost their lives. Looking at this latest incident, I find myself asking the same questions.
First, it is not fair to the parents of the children who have passed on. May their souls rest in peace, and may God comfort their parents, families, friends, and loved ones.
For those who committed the act, I am left asking: Why did they do it? Where do they come from? I want to see their parents. Who are their parents? How do they live? Where do they stay? Where are their Fathers? Who are their FATHER'S? What is their relationship with their children? How are their homes?
Because at the end of the day, parents cannot leave the responsibility of raising children entirely to teachers, house managers, schools, guardians, or even grandparents for those being brought up by grandparents.
There is a problem.
Whose children are these who allegedly burnt their fellow classmates and schoolmates? Surely, something has gone terribly wrong.
A reflection of the men in our society?
"Where Are the Men in Our Society?" I would not be surprised if many of these children do not have fathers present in their lives, or if their fathers are absent emotionally, physically, or in their responsibilities.
Perhaps I may be wrong. But these are the questions that come to mind as I watch such heartbreaking incidents unfold.
********
As Father's Day approaches on Sunday June 21st I find myself reflecting even more deeply on the state of fatherhood and manhood in our society.
Father's Day was established to honor fathers and celebrate the role they play in their children's lives, families, and communities. It exists because fathers matter. It exists because a good father leaves an imprint that lasts generations.
And before I continue, let me say this clearly.
There are fathers worth celebrating.
There are fathers who wake up every day and go to work when they are tired.
There are fathers who sacrifice their dreams so their children can pursue theirs.
There are fathers who show up to school meetings, sports events, graduations, church services, family gatherings name it. Present and Intentional Fathers.
There are fathers who remain faithful to their wives.
There are fathers who call their children every day.
There are fathers who provide not just financially but emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
There are fathers who are present.
To those fathers, we/ I salute you.
You are appreciated more than you know.
You are proof that manhood is not extinct.
But while we celebrate the good fathers, we cannot ignore the growing crisis around us. ****
Too many homes today have men who are physically present but emotionally absent.
A man can sleep in the same house as his children and still be absent.
A man can pay school fees and still be absent.
A man can buy food and still be absent.
Presence is more than occupying space.
Presence is involvement.
Presence is leadership.
Presence is guidance.
Presence is protection.
Presence is relationship.
A father is not simply a biological contributor.
A father is a teacher.
A father is a protector.
A father is a provider.
A father is a mentor.
A father is a spiritual guide.
A father is an example.
A father is a safe place.
A father is a boy's/ girl's best friend.
A father is identity.
A father is DNA
A father is existence
A father is the man whose children know they can call when life becomes difficult.
A husband is not merely a man with a ring on his finger. ( ring or no ring)
A husband is a servant leader.
A husband is a covering.
A husband is a partner.
A husband is a friend.
A husband is a source of strength and stability.
A husband is a man who makes his wife feel secure, valued, respected, protected, and loved.
Somewhere along the way, many men seem to have forgotten what these roles mean.
We have too many men chasing status but neglecting character.
Too many chasing pleasure but avoiding responsibility.
Too many chasing money while losing their families.
Too many producing children but refusing to father them.
Too many men expecting respect they have not earned.
Too many men demanding submission while offering no leadership.
Too many grown boys trapped in adult bodies.
And sadly, many children are paying the price.
The next generation is watching.
Boys are learning what manhood looks like.
Girls are learning what they should expect from men.
What exactly are we teaching them?
What are we normalizing?
What kind of society will exist twenty years from now if today's men continue abandoning their responsibilities?
The greatest inheritance a father leaves is not money.
It is not land.
It is not houses.
It is not cars.
It is his example.
Character outlives wealth.
Integrity outlives success.
Presence outlives possessions.
A father's influence can echo through generations.
Likewise, his absence can echo through generations.
As a mother of a son, this conversation touches me deeply.
I pray daily that my son grows into a man of character.
A man who honors God.
A man who keeps his word.
A man who respects women.
A man who honors his parents.
A man who loves his wife.
A man who cherishes his children.
A man who stands firm when everyone else is compromising.
A man who understands that leadership begins with responsibility.
I refuse to believe that what we are seeing around us is the standard.
I refuse to believe that irresponsibility is masculinity.
I refuse to believe that abandonment is freedom.
I refuse to believe that selfishness is strength.
Real men lead.
Real men protect.
Real men provide.
Real men sacrifice.
Real men show up.
And so today, this is my cry.
Men, we need you.
Your wives need you.
Your children need you.
Your parents need you.
Your communities need you.
Your churches need you.
Your nation needs you.
Stop hiding behind excuses.
Stop blaming your past.
Stop blaming your fathers.
Stop blaming society.
Stop blaming women.
At some point, every boy becomes a man and must choose who he will become.
The next generation is waiting for examples.
The question is, what example are you setting?
When your children tell your story one day, what will they say?
Will they remember your presence or your absence?
Will they remember your sacrifice or your excuses?
Will they remember your love or your neglect?
Will they remember a father, a husband, a leader, and a man of integrity?
Or will they remember a stranger who happened to share their surname?
Men, it is time to come home.
It is time to come back to your families.
It is time to come back to your responsibilities.
It is time to come back to your purpose.
It is time to become the men God created you to be.
Enough is enough.
The silence has gone on too long.
The absence has gone on too long.
The excuses have gone on too long.
The next generation deserves better.
Your family deserves better.
Society deserves better.
And if this message offends you, perhaps ask yourself why.
Because somewhere tonight, a child is waiting for a father's call.
Somewhere tonight, a wife is longing for a husband who is emotionally present.
Somewhere tonight, elderly parents are wondering why the son they raised has forgotten them.
Somewhere tonight, a young boy is desperately searching for an example of what a man should be.
Men, where are you?
And if you know in your heart that you have fallen short, let today be the day you stop running.
Pick up the phone.
Visit your children.
Apologize where necessary.
Love your wife.
Honor your parents.
Seek God.
Take responsibility.
Step up.
Man up.
The future is watching.
And history will remember what this generation of men chose to do.
*****
Quote for the Absent Men by MNCOLLECTIVE
"A man's greatest legacy is not the money he leaves behind, but the lives he faithfully showed up for. Presence is a gift no child, wife, or family can replace."
"Children rarely remember every gift you bought them, but they never forget whether you were there."
To every absent man your family does not need a perfect man. They need a present one. Show up. Your seat at the table, your voice in the home, your guidance, and your love matter more than you may ever know.
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